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第18部分

高山上的呼喊-go tell it on the mountain-第18部分

小说: 高山上的呼喊-go tell it on the mountain 字数: 每页4000字

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ace; with nothing in him any more; no lust; no fear; no shame; nohope。 And yet he knew that it would e again—the darkness was full of demons crouching;waiting to worry him with their teeth again。
  Then I looked in the grave and I wondered。
  Ah; down!—what was he searching here; all alone in darkness? But now he knew; for ironyhad left him; that he was searching something; hidden in the darkness; that must be found。 Hewould die if it was not found; or; he was dead already; and would never again be joined to theliving; if it was not found。
  And the grave looked so sad and lonesome。
  In the grave where he now wandered—he knew it was the grave; it was so cold and silent;and he moved in icy mist—he found his mother and his father; his mother dressed in scarlet; hisfather dressed in white。 They did not see him: they looked backward; over their shoulders; at acloud of witnesses。 And there was his Aunt Florence; gold and silver flashing on her fingers;brazen ear…rings dangling from her ears; and there was another woman; whom he took to be thatwife of his father’s; called Deborah—who had; as he had once believed; so much to tell him。 Butshe; alone; of all that pany; looked at him and signified that there was no speech in the grave。
  He was a stranger there—they did not see him pass; they did not know what he was looking for;they could not help him search。 He wanted to find Elisha; who knew; perhaps; who would help him—but Elisha was not there。 There was Roy: Roy also might have helped him; but he had beenstabbed with a knife; and lay now; brown and silent; at his father’s feet。
   Then there began to flood John’s soul the waters of despair。 Love is as strong as death; asdeep as the grave。 But love; which had; perhaps; like a benevolent monarch; swelled thepopulation of his neighboring kingdom; Death; had not himself descended: they owed him noallegiance here。 Here there was no speech or language; and there was no love; no one to say: Youare beautiful; John; no one to forgive him; no matter what his sin; no one to heal him; and lift himup。 No one: father and mother looked backward; Roy was bloody; Elisha was not here。
  Then the darkness began to murmur—a terrible sound—and John’s ears trembled。 In thismurmur that filled the grave; like a thousand wings beating on the air; he recognized a sound thathe had always heard。 He began; for terror; to weep and moan—and this sound was swallowed up;and yet was magnified by the echoes that filled the darkness。
  This sound had filled John’s life; so it now seemed; from the moment he had first drawnbreath。 He had heard it everywhere; in prayer and in daily speech; and wherever the saints weregathered; and in the unbelieving streets。 It was in his father’s anger; and in his mother’s calminsistence; and in the vehement mockery of his aunt; it had rung; so oddly; in Roy’s voice thisafternoon; and when Elisha played the piano it was there; it was in the beat and jangle of SisterMcCandless’s tambourine; it was in the very cadence of her testimony; and invested that testimonywith a matchless; unimpeachable authority。 Yes; he had heard it all his life; but it was only nowthat his ears were open to this sound that came from darkness; that could only e from darkness;that yet bore such sure witness to the glory of the light。 And now in this moaning; and so far fromany help; he heard it in himself—it rose from his bleeding; his cracked open heart。 It was a soundof rage and weeping which filled the grave; rage and weeping from time set free; but bound now iernity; rage that had no language; weeping with no voice—which yet spoke now; to John’sstartled soul; of boundless melancholy; of the bitterest patience; and the longest night; of thedeepest water; the strongest chains; the most cruel lash; of humility most wretched; the dungeonmost absolute; of love’s bed defiled; and birth dishonored; and most bloody; unspeakable; suddendeath。 Yes; the darkness hummed with murder: the body in the water; the body in the fire; the bodyon the tree。 John looked down the line of these armies of darkness; army upon army; and his soulwhispered: Who are these? Who are they? And wondered: Where shall I go?
  There was no answer。 There was no help or healing in the grave; no answer in the darkness;no speech from all that pany。 They looked backward。 And John looked back; seeing nodeliverance。
  I; John saw the future; way up in the middle of the air。
  Were the lash; the dungeon; and the night for him? And the sea for him? And the grave forhim?
  I; John saw a number; way in the middle of the air。
  And he struggled to flee—out of this darkness; out of this pany—into the land of theliving; so high; so far away。 Fear was upon him; a more deadly fear than he had ever known; as heturned and turned in the darkness; as he moaned; and stumbled; and crawled through darkness;finding no hand; no voice; finding no door。 Who are these? Who are they? They were the despisedand rejected; the wretched and the spat upon; the earth’s offscouring; and he was in their pany;and they would swallow up his soul。 The stripes they had endured would scar his back; their punishment would be his; their portion his; his their humiliation; anguish; chains; their dungeonhis; their death his。 Thrice was I beaten with rods; once I was stoned; thrice I suffered shipwreck; anight and a day I have been in the deep。
  And their dread testimony would be his!
  In journeying often; in perils of waters; inn perils of robbers; in perils by mine owncountrymen; in perils by the heathen; in perils in the city; in perils in the wilderness; in perils inthe sea; in perils among false brethren。
  And their desolation; his:
  In weariness and painfulness; in watching often; in hunger and thirst; in fasting often; incold and nakedness。
  And he began to shout for help; seeing before him the lash; the fire; and the depthlesswater; seeing his head bowed down for ever; he; John; the lowest among these lowly。 And helooked for his mother; but her eyes were fixed on this dark army—she was claimed by this army。
  And his father would not help him; his father did not see him; and Roy lay dead。
  Then he whispered; not knowing that he whispered: ‘Oh; Lord; have mercy on me。 Havemercy on me。’
  And a voice; for the first time in all his terrible journey; spoke to John; through he rage andweeping; and fire; and darkness; and flood:
  ‘Yes;’ said the voice; ‘go through。 Go through。’
  ‘Lift me up;’ whispered John; ‘lift me up。 I can’t go through。’
  ‘Go through;’ said the voice; ‘go through。’
  Then there was silence。 The murmuring ceased。 There was only this trebling beneath him。
  And he knew there was a light somewhere。
  ‘Go through。’
  ‘Ask Him to take you through。’
  But he could never go through this darkness; through this fire and this wrath。 He nevercould go through。 His strength was finished; and he could not move。 He belonged to the darkness—the darkness from which he had thought to flee had claimed him。 And he moaned again;weeping; and lifted up his hands。
  ‘Call on Him。 Call on Him。’
  ‘Ask Him to take you through。’
  Dust rose again in his nostrils; sharp as the fumes of Hell。 And he turned again in thedarkness; trying to remember something he had heard; something he had read。
  Jesus saves。
   And he saw before him the fire; red and gold; and waiting for him—yellow; and red; andgold; and burning in a night eternal; and waiting for him。 He must go through this fire; and into thisnight。
  Jesus saves。
  Call on Him。
  Ask Him to take you through。
  He could not call; for his tongue would not unlock; and his heart was silent; and great withfear。 In the darkness; how to move?—with death’s ten thousand jaws agape; and waiting in thedarkness。 On any turning whatsoever the beast may spring—to move in the darkness is to moveinto the moving jaws of death。 And yet; it came to him that he must move; for there was a lightsomewhere; and life; and joy; and singing—somewhere; somewhere above him。
  And he moaned again: ‘Oh; Lord; have mercy。 Have mercy; Lord。’
  There came to him again the munion service at which Elisha had knelt at his father’sfeet。 Now this service was in a great; high room; a room made golden by the light of the sun; andthe room was filled with a multitude of people; all in long; white robes; the women with coveredheads。 They sat at a long; bare; wooden table。 They broke at this table flat; unsalted bread; whichwas the body of the Lord; and drank from a heavy silver cup the scarlet wine of His blood。 Then hesaw that they were barefoot; and that their feet were stained with this same blood。 And a sound ofweeping filled the room as they broke the bread and drank the wine。
  Then they rose; to e together over a great basin filled with water。 And they divided intofour groups; two of women; and man before man; to watch each other’s feet。 But the blood wouldnot wash off; many washings only turned the crystal water red; and someone cried: ‘Have youbeen to the river?’
  Then John saw the river; and the multitude was there。 And now they had undergone achange; their robes were ragged; and stained with the 

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