安妮日记英文版_安妮·弗兰克-第43部分

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〃im　used　to　that；〃　she　replied；　somewhat　bitterly。

i　dont　dare　tell　peter。　maybe　later　on；　but　he　and　i　need　to　discuss　so　many　other　things　first。

mother　slapped　me　last　night；　which　i　deserved。　i　mustnt　carry　my　indifference　and　contempt　for　her　too　far。　in　spite　of　everything；　i　should　try　once　again　to　be　friendly　and　keep　my　remarks　to　myself！

even　pim　isnt　as　nice　as　he　used　to　be。　hes　been　trying　not　to　treat　me　like　a　child；　but　now　hes　much　too　cold。　well　just　have　to　see　what　es　of　it！　hes　warned　me　that　if　i　dont　do　my　algebra；　i　wont　get　any　tutoring　after　the　war。　i　could　simply　wait　and　see　what　happens；　but　id　like　to　start　again；　provided　i　get　a　new　book。

thats　enough　for　now。　i　do　nothing　but　gaze　at　peter；　and　im　filled　to　overflowing！

yours；　anne　

m。　frank

evidence　of　margots　goodness。　i　received　this　today；　march　20；　1944：

anne；　yesterday　when　i　said　i　wasnt　jeal…　ous　of　you；　i　wasnt　being　entirely　honest。

the　situation　is　this：　im　not　jealous　of　either　you　or　peter。　im　just　sorry　i　havent　found　anyone　willi　whom　to　share　my　thoughts　and　feelings；　and　im　not　likely　to　in　the　near　future。　but　thats　why　i　wish；　from　the　bottom　of　my　heart；　that　you　will　both　be　able　to　place　your　trust　in　each　other。　youre　already　missing　out　on　so　much　here；　things　other　people　take　for　granted。

on　the　other　hand；　im　certain　id　never　have　gotten　as　far　with　peter；　because　i　think　id　need　to　feel　very　close　to　a　person　before　i　could　share　my　thoughts。　id　want　to　have　the　feeling　that　he　understood　me　through　and　through；　even　if　i　didnt　say　much。

for　this　reason　it　would　have　to　be　someone　i　felt　was　intellectually　superior　to　me；　and　that　isnt　the　case　with　peter。　but　i　can　imagine　your　feeling　close　to　him。

so　theres　no　need　for　you　to　reproach　yourself　because　you　think　you　te　taking　something　i　was　entitled　to；　nothing　could　be　further　from　the　truth。　you　and　peter　have　everything　to　gain　by　your　friendship。

my　answer：

dearest　margot；　your　letter　was　extremely　kind；　but　i　still　dont　feel　pletely　happy　about　the　situation；　and　i　dont　think　i　ever　will。

at　the　moment；　peter　and　i　dont　trust　each　other　as　much　as　you　seem　to　think。　its　just　that　when　youre　standing　beside　an　open　window　at　twthght；　you　can　say　more　to　each　other　than　in　bright　sunshine。　its　also　easier　to　whisper　your　feelings　than　to　shout　them　from　the　rooftops。　i　think　youve　begun　to　feel　a　kind　of　sisterly　affection　for　peter　and　would　like　to　help　him；　just　as　much　as　i　would。　perhaps　youll　be　able　to　do　that　someday；　though　thats　not　the　kind　of　trust　we　have　in　mind。　i　believe　that　trust　has　to　corne　from　both　sides；　i　also　think　thats　the　reason　why　father　and　i　have　never　really　grown　so　close。　but　lets　not　talk　about　it　anymore。　if　theres　anything　you　still　want　to　discuss；　please　write；　because　its　easier　for　me　to　say　what　i　mean　as　on　paper　than　face…to…face。　you　know　how　le　much　i　admire　you；　and　only

hope　that　some　of　your　goodness　and　fathers　goodness　will　rub　off　on　me；　because；　in　that　sense；　you　two　are　a　lot　alike。

yours；　anne　

wednesday；　march　22；1944

dearest　kitty；

i　received　this　letter　last　night　from　margot：

dear　anne；　after　your　letter　of　yesterday　i　have　the　unpleasant　feeling　that　your　conscience　bothers　you　whenever　you　go　to　peters　to　work　or　talk；　theres　really　no　reason　for　that。　in　my　heart；　i　know　theres　someone　who　deserves　t　my　trust　（as　i　do　his）；　and　i　wouldnt　be　able　to　tolerate　peter　in　his　place。

however；　as　you　wrote；　i　do　think　of　peter　as　a　kind　of　brother。　。　。　a　younger　brother；　weve　been　sending　out　feelers；　and　a　brotherly　and　sisterly　affection　mayor　may　not　develop　at　some　later　date；　but　its　certainly　not　reached　that　stage　yet。　so　theres　no　need　for　you　to　feel　sorry　for　me。　now　that　youve　found　panionship；　enjoy　it　as　much　as　you　can。

in　the　meantime；　things　are　getting　more　and　more　wonderful　here。　i　think；　kitty；　that　true　love　may　be　developing　in　the　annex。　all　those　jokes　about　marrying　peter　if　we　stayed　here　long　enough　werent　so　silly　after　all。　not　that　im　thinking　of　marrying　him；　mind　you。　i　dont　even　know　what　hell　be　like　when　he　grows　up。　or　if　well　even　love　each　other　enough　to　get　married。

im　sure　now　that　peter　loves　me　too；　i　just　dont　know　in　what　way。　i　cant　figure　out　if　he　wants　only　a　good　friend；　or　if　hes　attracted　to　me　as　a　girl　or　as　a　sister。

when　he　said　i　always　helped　him　when　his　parents　were　arguing；　i　was　tremendously　happy；　it　was　one　step　toward　making　me　believe　in　his　friendship。　i　asked　him　yesterday　what　hed　do　if　there　were　a　dozen　annes　who　kept　popping　in　to　see　him。

his　answer　was：　〃if　they　were　all　like　you；　it　wouldnt　be　so　bad。〃　hes　extremely　hospitable；　and　i　think　he　really　likes　to　see　me。　mean…　while；　hes　been　working　hard　at　learning　french；　even　studying　in　bed　until　ten…fifteen。

oh；　when　i　think　back　to　saturday　night；　to　our　words；　our　voices；　i　feel　satisfied　with　myself　for　the　very　first　time；　what　i　mean　is；　id　still　say　the　same　and　wouldnt

want　to　change　a　thing；　the　way　i　usually　do。　hes　so　handsome；　whether　hes　smthng　or　just　sitting　still。　hes　so　sweet　and　good　and　beautiful。　i　think　what　surprised　him　most　about　me　was　when　he　discovered　that　im　not　at　all　the　superficial；　worldly　anne　i　appear　to　be；　but　a　dreamer；　like　he　is；　with　just　as　many　troubles！

last　night　after　the　dinner　dishes；　i　waited　for　him　to　ask　me　to　stay　upstairs。　but　nothing　happened；　i　went　away。　he　came　downstairs　to　tell　dussel　it　was　time　to　listen　to　the　radio　and　hung　around　the　bathroom　for　a　while；　but　when　dussel　took　too　long；　he　went　back　upstairs。　he　paced　up　and　down　his　room　and　went　to　bed　early。

the　entire　evening　i　was　so　restless　i　kept　going　to　the　bathroom　to　splash　cold　water　on　my　face。　i　read　a　bit；　daydreamed　some　more；　looked　at　the　clock　and　waited；　waited；　waited；　all　the　while　listening　to　his　foot…　steps。　i　went　to　bed　early；　exhausted。

tonight　i　have　to　take　a　bath；　and　tomorrow？

tomorrows　so　far　away！

yours；　anne　

m。　frank

my　answer：

dearest　margot；　i　think　the　best　thing　is　simply　to　wait　and　see　what　happens。　it　cant　be　much　longer　before　peter　and　i　will　have　to　decide　whether　to　go　back　to　the　way　we　were　or　do　some…　thing　else。　i　dont　know　how　itll　turn　out；　i　cant　see　any　farther　than　the　end　of　my　nose。

but　im　certain　of　one　thing：　if　peter　and　i　do　bee　friends；　im　going　to　tell　him　youre　also　very　fond　of　him　and　are　prepared　to　help　him　if　he　needs　you。　you　wouldnt　want　me　to；　im　sure；　but　i　dont　care；　i　dont　know　what　peter　thinks　of　you；　but　ill　ask　him　when　the　time　es。　its　certainly　nothing　bad　　on　the　contrary！　youre　wele　to　join　us　in　the　attic；　or　wherever　we　are。　you　wont　be　disturbing　us；　because　we　have　an　unspoken　agreement　to　talk　only　in　the　evenings　when　its　dark。

keep　your　spirits　up！　im　doing　my　best；　though　its　not　always　easy。　your　time　may　e　sooner　than　you　think。

yours；　anne　

thursday；　march　23；　1944

dearest　kitty；

things　are　more　or　less　back　to　normal　here。　our　coupon　men　have　been　released　from　prison；　thank　goodness！

mieps　been　back　since　yesterday；　but　today　it　was　her　husbands　turn　to　take　to　his　bed…chills　and　fever；　the　usual　flu　symptoms。　bep　is　better；　though　she　still　has　a　cough；　and　mr。　kleiman　will　have　to　stay　home　for　a　long　time。

yesterday　a　plane　crashed　nearby。　the　crew　was　able　to　parachute　out　in　time。　it　crashed　on　top　of　a　school；　but　luckily　there　were　no　children　inside。　there　was　a　small　fire　and　a　couple　of　people　were　killed。　as　the　airmen　made　their　descent；　the　germans　sprayed　them　with　bullets。　the　amsterdammers　who　saw　it　seethed　with　rage　at　such　a　dastardly　deed。　we…by　which　i　mean　the　ladies…were　also　scared　out　of　our　wits。　brrr；　i　hate　the　sound　of　gunfire。

now　about　myself。

i　was　with　peter　yesterday　and；　somehow；　i　honestly　dont　know　how；　we　wound　up　talking　about　sex。　id　made　up　my　mind　a　long　time　ago　to　ask　him　a　few　things。　he　knows　everything；　when　i　said　that　margot　and　i　werent　very　well　informed；　he　was　amazed。　i　told　him　a　lot　about　margot　and　me　and　mother　and　father　and　said　that　lately　i　didnt　dare　ask　them　anything。　he　offered　to　enlighten　me；　and　i　gratefully　accepted：　he　described　how　contraceptives　work；　and　i　asked　him　very　boldly　how　boys　could　tell　they　were　grown　up。　he　had　to　think　about　that　one；　he　said　hed　tell　me　tonight。　i　told　him　what　had　happened　to　jacque；　and　said　that　girls　are　defenseless　against　strong　boys。　〃well；　you　dont　have　to　be　afraid　of　me；〃　he　said。

when　i　came　back　that　evening；　he　told　me　how　it　is　with　boys。　slightly　embarrassing；　but　still　awfully　nice　to　be　able　to　discuss　it　with　him。　neither　he　nor　i　had　ever　imagined　wed　be　able　to　talk　so　openly　to　a　girl　or　a　boy；　respectively；　about　such　intimate　matters。　i　think　i　know　everything　now。　he　told　me　a　lot　about　what　he　called　prasentivmitteln*　＇*　should　be　praservativmitteln：　prophylactics＇　in　german。

that　night　in　the　bathroom　margot　and　i　were　talking　about　bram　and　trees；　two　friends　of　hers。

this　morning　i　was　in　for　a　nasty　surprise：　after　breakfast　peter　beckoned　me　upstairs。　〃that　was　a　dirty　trick　you　played　on　me；〃　he　said。　〃i