安妮日记英文版_安妮·弗兰克-第51部分
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a fascinating and amusing adventure this is！ with all that； why should i despair？
yours； anne
m。 frank
friday； may 5； 1944
dear kitty；
fathers unhappy with me。 after our talk on sunday he thought id stop going upstairs every evening。 he wont have any of that 〃knutscherej〃* ＇* necking＇ going on。 i cant stand that word。 talking about it was bad enough why does he have to make me feel bad too！ ill have a word with him today。 margot gave me some good advice。
heres more or less what id like to say：
i think you expect an explanation from me； father； so ill give you one。 youre disap… pointed in me； you expected more restraint from me； you no doubt want me to act the way a fourteen…year…old is supposed to。 but thats where youre wrong！
since weve been here； from july 1942 until a few weeks ago； i havent had an easy time。 if only you knew how much i used to cry at night； how unhappy and despondent i was； how lonely i felt； youd understand my wanting to go upstairs！ ive now reached the point where i dont need the support of mother or anyone else。 it didnt happen overnight。 ive struggled long and hard and shed many tears to bee as independent as i am now。 you can laugh and refuse to believe me； but i dont care。 i know im an independent person； and i dont feel i need to account to you for my actions。 im only telling you this because i dont want you to think im doing things behind your back。 but theres only one person im accountable to； and thats me。
when i was having problems； everyone and that includes you closed their eyes and ears and didnt help me。 on the contrary； all i ever got were admonitions not to be so noisy。 i was noisy only to keep myself from being miserable all the time。 i was overconfident to keep from having to listen to the voice inside me。 ive been putting on an act for the last year and a half； day in； day out。 ive never plained or dropped my mask； nothing of the kind； and now。 。 。 now the battle is over。 ive won！ im independent； in both body and mind。 i dont need a mother anymore； and ive emerged from the struggle a stronger person。
now that its over； now that i know the battle has been won； i want to go my own way； to follow the path that seems right to me。 dont think of me as a fourteen…year…old； since all these troubles have made me older； i wont regret my actions； ill behave the way i think i should！
gentle persuasion wont keep me from going upstairs。 youll either have to forbid it； or trust me through thick and thin。 whatever you do； just leave me alone！
yours； anne
m。 frank
saturday； may 6； 1944
dearest kitty；
last night before dinner i tucked the letter id written into fathers pocket。 according to margot； he read it and was upset for the rest of the evening。 （i was upstairs doing the dishes！） poor pim； i might have known what the effect of such an epistle would
be。 hes so sensitive！ i immediately told peter not to ask any questions or say anything more。 pims said nothing else to me about the matter。 is he going to？
everything here is more or less back to normal。 we can hardly believe what jan； mr。
kugler and mr。 kleiman tell us about the prices and the people on the outside； half a pound of tea costs 350。00 guilders； half a pound of coffee 80。00 guilders； a pound of butter 35。00 guilders； one egg 1。45 guilders。 people are paying 14。00 guilders an ounce for bulgarian tobacco！ everyones trading on the black market； every errand boy has something to offer。 the delivery boy from the bakery has supplied us with darning thread…90 cents for one measly skein…the milkman can get hold of ration books； an undertaker delivers cheese。 break…ins； murders and thefts are daily occurrences。 even the police and night watchmen are getting in on the act。 everyone wants to put food in their stomachs； and since salaries have been frozen； people have had to resort to swindling。 the police have their hands full trying to track down the many girls of fifteen； sixteen； seventeen and older who are reported missing every day。
i want to try to finish my story about ellen； the fairy。 just for fun； i can give it to father on his birthday； together with all the copyrights。
see you later！ （actually； thats not the right phrase。 in the german program broadcast from england they always close with 〃aufwiederhoren。〃 so i guess i should say； 〃until we write again。〃）
yours； anne
m。 frank
sunday morning； may 7；1944
dearest kitty；
father and i had a long talk yesterday afternoon。 i cried my eyes out； and he cried too。 do you know what he said to me； kitty？
〃ive received many letters in my lifetime； but none as hurtful as this。 you； who have had so much love from your parents。 you； whose parents have always been ready to help you； who have always defended you； no matter what。 you talk of not having to account to us for your actions！ you feel youve been wronged and left to your own devices。 no； anne； youve done us a great injustice！
〃perhaps you didnt mean it that way； but thats what you wrote。 no； anne； we have done nothing to deserve such a reproach！〃
oh； ive failed miserably。 this is the worst thing ive ever done in my entire life。 i used my tears to show off； to make myself seem important so hed respect me。 ive certainly had my share of unhappiness； and everything i said about mother is true。 but to accuse pim； whos so good and whos done everything for me…no； that was too cruel for words。
its good that somebody has finally cut me down to size； has broken my pride； because ive been far too smug。 not everything mistress anne does is good！ any… one who deliberately causes such pain to someone they say they love is despicable； the lowest of the low！
what im most ashamed of is the way father has forgiven me； he said hes going to throw the letter in the stove； and hes being so nice to me now； as if he were the one whod done something wrong。 well； anne； you still have a lot to learn。 its time you made a beginning； in… stead of looking down at others and always giving them the blame！
ive known a lot of sorrow； but who hasnt at my age？ ive been putting on an act； but was hardly even aware of it。 ive felt lonely； but never desperate！ not like father； who once ran out into the street with a knife so he could put an end to it all。 ive never gone that far。
i should be deeply ashamed of myself； and i am。 whats done cant be undone； but at least you can keep it from happening again。 id like to start all over； and that shouldnt be difficult； now that i have peter。 with him supporting me； i know i can do it！ im not alone anymore。 he loves me； i love him； i have my books； my writing and my diary。 im not all that ugly； or that stupid； i have a sunny disposition； and i want to develop a good character！
yes； anne； you knew full well that your letter was unkind and untrue； but you were actually proud of it！ ill take father as my example once again； and i will improve myself。
yours； anne
m。 frank
monday； may 8； 1944
dearest kitty；
have i ever told you anything about our family？ i dont think i have； so let me begin。
father was born in frankfurt am main to very wealthy parents： michael frank owned
a bank and became a millionaire； and alice sterns parents were prominent and well…to…do。 michael frank didnt start out rich； he was a self…made man。 in his youth father led the life of a rich mans son。 parties every week； balls； banquets； beautiful girls； waltzing； dinners； a huge house； etc。 after grandpa died； most of the money was lost； and after the great war and inflation there was nothing left at all。 up until the war there were still quite a few rich relatives。 so father was extremely well…bred； and he had to laugh yesterday because for the first time in his fifty…five years； he scraped out the frying pan at the table。
mothers family wasnt as wealthy； but still fairly well…off； and weve listened openmouthed to stories of private balls； dinners and engagement parties with 250 guests。
were far from rich now； but ive pinned all my hopes on after the war。 i can assure you； im not so set on a bourgeois life as mother and margot。 id like to spend a year in paris and london learning the languages and studying art history。 pare that with margot； who wants to nurse newborns in palestine。 i still have visions of gorgeous dresses and fascinating people。 as ive told you many times before； i want to see the world and do all kinds of exciting things； and a little money wont hurt！
this morning miep told us about her cousins engagement party； which she went to on saturday。 the cousins parents are rich； and the grooms are even richer。 miep made our mouths water telling us about the food that was served： vegetable soup with meatballs； cheese； rolls with sliced meat； hors doeuvres made with eggs and roast beef； rolls with cheese； genoise； wine and cigarettes； and you could eat as much as you wanted。
miep drank ten schnapps and smoked three cigarettes could this be our temperance advocate？ if miep drank all those； i wonder how many her spouse managed to toss down？ everyone at the party was a little tipsy； of course。 there were also two officers from the homicide squad； who took photographs of the wedding couple。 you can see were never far from mieps thoughts； since sh
